Carjacked by Carl Hiassen

I have more lists going on than Santa gets at Christmas. Preparing for our trip to my Nation’s Capital is never easy, involving as it does: organizing the bucks, renewing prescriptions, mailing off aprons, quality time in the laundry room and at the ironing board, laying in bulk cat food, planning road trip picnics and trying to make the house presentable for our beloved cat sitter, Charlene Simpson. (Hey, Char, Lou painted some kitchen cabinets for you!)

I swung by the library yesterday, to avoid late charges, clutching eight books to my bosom. I dropped three on the floor as I walked to the circulation counter, and my kindly librarian said: “Lady, you need a bag!” She handed me , for free, a cloth Warrenville totebag, which I’ll forget I own next time I go to the libe.  I won’t need it next time I swing by with my returns, because I’ll be toting just  one volume.

The Tom Jones classic “Mama Told Me Not to Go” has been rattling around my brain since I  watched( online) Bristol Palin’s tacky turn on DWTS. I had promised NOT to check out New Releases, because I have enough on my multiple lists that I should avoid any reading except a turn through The New Yorker or Martha Stewart Living.

FAIL! I strolled up to the New Releases and glommed onto the H authors. My God, there it was, as irresistible to me as a pile of horse poop to a Pomeranian.

The new Carl Hiaasen.

I checked it out in a hurry and buried it in my purse so Lou wouldn’t snatch it from my hands as I walked through the door. Carl is addictive as the white powder most of his characters in South Florida inhale as often as Jane Austen’s ladies drink tea. Hiassen is an award-winning journalist for the Miami Herald, a passionate Floridian who mourns the cooption and corruption of his state by real estate sleazeballs, drug dealing, and corruption. A collection of his journalism on Florida is called (one of my fave ever titles) Paradise Screwed.

His over-the-top “crime” novels are what’s got me as hooked as a starlet on Vicodin. They are environmentalist agitprop for south Florida, and the greed and excess it attracts. They always include a cynical good guy, an intelligent woman, a crazed outta control enforcer , and Skink, a mentally ill Viet Nam vet, ex-governor of Florida, with great teeth,and  one eye: an environmental enforcer and road kill gourmet.

Carjacking in Miami is an everyday thing in Hiassen’s novels, and he carjacked my to-do list today. Not entirely: I heard the dryer tumbling as I willingly gave up a day of my life to one of his profane, outta control , hilarious romps. Chemo, the crazer with a weed whacker attached to his stump of an arm, is back. There’s a feisty heroine (Carl likes smart women, always) an obese South Beach paparazzo, a real estate scam, a Brittney/Lindsay clone, press agents, plotting, and lots of roadkill.

Yeah, he kinda made me his literary bitch today, and I loved every minute. I’ll get up earlier tomorrow and tackle that list.

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6 Comments

Filed under Books, Free, HeeHee, Library Card

6 responses to “Carjacked by Carl Hiassen

  1. Lloyd

    Carl=god! Cannot be read whilst commuting on the bus or train

  2. Kim Shook

    I got all excited when I saw the you were traveling to the nation’s capital. Then I noticed the “my”. That means Ottawa, huh? Pooh. Ah, well, have a good time and report back all your lovely adventures!

    I get hijacked every time I set foot in the hallowed halls of any library. I mean to drop off, pick up JUST A COUPLE, and be in and out in 5 minutes. An hour later, I panic, remembering milk and eggs in the car and grab just a couple more and stagger out to the car with an armload. It’s a damn good thing they’re free or we’d be homeless (but erudite!).

    Did you see my email? The gorgeous aprons arrived last night and I’m thrilled! I can’t wait to ‘gift’ them. But I’ll have to make my own “Maggie Original” tags! Shall I put your email address or this blog address on them in case they want to order some for themselves?

    Again, have a great trip!

    • I would love to visit your nation’s capital, and it’s high on my list of travel plans.

      Re: aprons! I’m thrilled you like them, and as I mailed them when Lou was out and about I have no pix. How’s about you and Mr. Kim modelling, email me the snaps, and you’ll be immortalized here. My brilliant sister-in-law Patty is working on some tags for me — I’ll forward you a few when I receive them.

      I’ll try to blog from Ottawa.

      • Kim Shook

        As soon as we are presentable, I’ll get pictures done and email them to you! I’d love to have tags for them, thanks!

  3. sparrowgrass

    Oh, I thought you were going to Jon Stewart’s rally!!

    Just finished that book–loved it, laughed a lot.

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